Contro Convo

Since I've had a good run recently I thought I would reflect on the more despairing conversations I've been a part of in the past.

1.

I Was forced into a cul-de-sac of banal chatter when recently asked which type of razor I preferred and whether the new "Gillette Mach 3 Turbo Speed Street Fighter 2 Alpha plus Omega Fizzy Orange Flavour " would trump the previous incarnation. I garbled something about rubbing my face up against breeze blocks to attain my tramp-like visage and having no need to upgrade but the conversation still continued unabated around me with people actually arguing the pros and cons of various Gillette products.

The ultimate tragic irony of this tale being that as time wore on with these people I began to desire a dangerous flirtation with a razor more than anything else in the world.

2.

I went to pick up a package which had been delivered to my next door neighbour by accident, who, over an excruciating 15 minutes proceeded to talk to me about her son who played Tennis as a youth. I neither asked nor hinted at the topics of a) Tennis b) her son and c) her sons tennis playing youth. I merely said "Can I have my post please?"

3.

I'm all for people explaining their religious views to me, but not pricks. I had one guy recently fall upon me in the corridor of some god awful house party and as he blew sour 69p cider fumes in my face told me all about the special plan he had in mind for himself after his death. First off he'd get really high and then die. At first I didn't see how it would be possible for him to know exactly when to get really high as timing is crucial when it's going to be your last physical act. I saw my folly when I quickly realised there would never be a moment in his life when he wouldn't be really high.

After death, he'd put himself in a giant coffin (not a real one silly - a metaphysical coffin made of afterlife dust and space spunkdules or some shit) and blast his ghostly ethereal arse into the cosmos and live amongst the stars in his rocket-coffin (which I must reiterate, and he stressed this himself, wasn't a real coffin but a space coffin)

Actually to be honest a meta-physical space coffin is quite inspired, lets let point 3 slide this time.